Being Honest...

I want to be set apart. I would like to hang out all the time. I want to be different. I like to shop at the Gap. I want to be normal. I want to love my neighbor. I can't love the rude customer. I want to preach till everyone knows Jesus. I want to go to third world countries. I want to give all I have to the poor. I want to wear nice clothes. I am sick of compromise.
Frustration overwhelms me lately. I pray, I forgive, I analyze, I listen, but I can't forget what I've heard. "You have been bought with a price. Do not become slaves of men." 1 Corinthians 7:23

Can these things co-exist? Can I be of both worlds? Can I continue to exploit people? Do I believe I can make a difference? Or do I just settle cause it looks good? Why am I so frustrated?
"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. You adulteress, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." James 4:1-4.

I am jealous of those who live life like it's nothing, they don't get stressed out, they make decisions based on their feelings. At school, everyone is doing whatever they want. In the world, everyone lives life like the movies, just having fun doing whatever feels good, all the while ripping their heart out. Numbing the pain, but they don't want to talk about it.
I often think I want that, for some reason, I get caught up in the simplicity of just living for the moment. Jealousy rages war with in me. Why can't I just go out and do what ever I want? Be "happy go lucky" fake, no responsibilities, no regrets, no enemies because I live to please everyone. But no, I want something better. I believe there is something better.

I know I've given my entire life to Jesus, I know Him, He's completely changed me. Washed me clean, and forgiven me. Is that it? Or is there more? Do I settle for mediocre life? Do I settle for "I got to say the word 'Jesus' today to some of my friends." Or is it true what the bible says, "These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak in new tongues, they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover." Mark 16:18

Yes I am frustrated. How long will I sit and let fear, boredom, apathy, confusion, and the spirit of this age draw me away from the passionate love, power, and ever fulfilling life Giver? I still don't know what to do, or how to respond. I know my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few. I don't want to go alone, but at least I know I will never have too.