Process Cheese

I looked up process in the dictionary, there are four definitions, none of them makes any sense. So next on the list is process cheese: a cheese made by blending several lots of cheese. Needless to say, this doesn't help me. Except that I didn't know you can have "several lots" of something. I feel several lots of feelings.
Where do I begin? What do I say? How do I feel....
I sometimes feel so disconnected. I feel disconnected with myself, my friends, my family. I know I do it myself, I am afraid to feel. I think if I tell someone what I feel in my heart, even Jesus, my heart will crumble; or implode. There's always those imaginary lines (at least for me) where I can only go so far with someone, and then I can't share anymore. There is also those people who don't have the line, and they share everything. It's all out there, and usually I don't know what to say. I hate feeling awkward and uncomfortable. But most of all I hate being irrelevant. When your feelings are just out there, so vulnerable, and there is nothing to relate them to. Or even worse, they have not point. Why do I always think things have to be validated? The worst is comparison; I find myself comparing how I feel with others. For example, "what so & so's family is going through is much worse than me, so why do I feel so sad?" Then it seems good to be alone. Why do we insist on having "alone time"? I mean, is it really healthy? Sometimes I don't know. It seems when I am prompted the most to do this "alone time" it ends up making me feel crazy or feel like I am wasting time.
Que sera, sera. Oh, some day, this will all be gone, but until then, enjoy the process...Or the process cheese...Whatever your preference.